i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
