Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Semen is not good for contacts.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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