I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
They took my balls.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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