if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
