i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
