Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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