Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize