Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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