I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
