And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
