I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
