You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
