Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Acid is not a monday night drug
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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