well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
