oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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