No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
