when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
