My brain says no but my pants say off.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
