I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
