Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My balls are so social today.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
