You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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