It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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