i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
