I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
