Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
