I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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