imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
sarcasm needs its own font
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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