allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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