it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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