It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
