I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
