Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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