so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize