I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
