I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
