Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
