CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
