Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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