Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
