If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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