I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have tasted many bathrooms
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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