it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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