haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
