i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
