Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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