I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
