Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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