it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The best revenge is premature balding
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
