I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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