DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You are a genius and a whore.
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