kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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