I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
