Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't deserve a penis
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
