I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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