hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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