Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
