we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
