you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The best revenge is premature balding
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just gargled with NyQuil
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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