i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You don't make any sense
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