So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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