i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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