The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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