so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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