he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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