so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
