I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
