I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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