I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
