Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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