Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dicks are not precious.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
