She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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