did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
