we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
