Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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