Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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