I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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