i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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