she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
