can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
