If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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