His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
