Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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