wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
