Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
