I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
