she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My cat gives me a boner
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
