She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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