When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
