You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
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