My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize