You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
