Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
