the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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