Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
