Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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