apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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