After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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