Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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