Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
