every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think your dad took our porno
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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