I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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